Pork Pies cause thick urine

Admittedly the toilets in my local pub may not be the best place to source this kind of information, but if not there then where?

Last night, on one of my infrequent visits to the toilets in order to relieve my self of a pint of Hoegarten, I happened to notice that one of the urinals was blocked and filled to the brim with piss (and the ubiquitous cigarette butts slowly moving round in a Brownian motion waltz). Obviously I was not going to use that one (someone had though – which begs the question; who would piss into a urinal already half full of stale urine?).

As the blocked urinal was on the end of the row of four, public toilet etiquette demanded that I chose the one on the opposite end. Moments later two blokes came in and made for the remaining positions. They too observed etiquette – one went for the far right and the second man chose one of the two remaining centre ones – electing to stand closer to me than his friend (when you have to occupy a urinal next to someone, better it be a stranger).

The man on the far end noticed the full bowl, swore loudly and went to a cubical. This episode started a brief conversation about blocked urinals. (Obviously convention dictates that conversation whilst using a urinal is a strict taboo – but these are strange times my friends)

I said that it must have been thick urine to cause such a blockage. The two toilet users agreed, then one said “I blame pork pies”.

This was a moment of epiphany for me. Pork pies cause thick urine? I asked.
“Yes”, he said. “Think about it, all that gelatine must thicken up everything. Pork pies are filled with gelatine.”

It’s at moments like this that I relish (sic) my vegetarianism.

Written by exmonkey on February 10th, 2005 with 2 comments.
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