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I’m not one to brag, but here is what the floor looks like now:
As you can see, the crap has already begun to pile up in the hall….
Unfortunately the varnish hadn’t dried before a cat ran across it. Belle is now preserved like a fly in amber under a layer of varnish by the kitchen door - it feeles quite nice underfoot; furry varnish.
Written by exmonkey on March 24th, 2005 with no comments.
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It occurred to me last night, after spending an evening in the pub, what a chav is.
I should explain that, normally, the pub I go to once a week is a quiet, pleasant place. Last night, however, the only table we could get was next to a group of comedy sketch chavs.
Comedy sketch because that’s what it looked like - if Harry Enfield wanted to create a bunch of caricature chavs, these are the characters he would have created.
All of the boxes were ticked -
They really exist - in huge numbers
After a few more of their burberry (collective noun: a burberry of chavs) had arrived, they started feeling confident enough to start with the shouting, hooting, animal noises and occasional remarks aimed at other drinkers. Remarks that, if not laughed at, would be followed by some kind of confrontational situation that would probably end with five or six chavs beating the crap out of some hapless individual whilst the chavette and the dog (insert joke here) scream encouragement.
Ah chavs. Anyway, what is the nature of the chav? It occurred to me (admittedly after a couple of beers) that the chav mind is not a complete thing - it is the brain equivalent of a jigsaw piece taken from a very large jigsaw, made up mostly of sky.
You see, chavs are the mob. It is said that the individual IQ of a mob member goes down one point for every person. Under normal circumstances, when the mob dissipates, the intelligence of the ex-members returns to normal; with chavs, however, something is wrong. They carry the mob with them. Individual chavs, or small groups of chavs display the same decision making ability and warped sense of logic that you could expect from a crowd of 2000 rioting football fans - without the charm.
Maybe this represents the next stage of human evolution - the chav is the hive mind, the future of humanity. Either that or they’re a bunch of alcohol fuelled thugs who keep a dog with them because it tells them what to do.
Written by exmonkey on March 24th, 2005 with 2 comments.
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