April 2005
You are currently browsing the articles from United By Yucca written in the month of April 2005.
So, I am now a father. Do I feel different? Not really. Don’t get me wrong, I am totally in love with my new son and am amazed by even the smallest thing - but frankly, unless you’re me (and obviously you’re not) any revelations on this score are going to be pretty irrelevant, not to mention nauseating.
I am pleased to find that I still have an absolute hatred of smug parents, baby-on-board signs in cars, nappy commercials and children in restaurants. Basically I feel that I have come through this traumatic process with my universal distain of all life intact.
I promise three things:
1) This blog will not become some kind of online baby-story-fest, where I regale you with many identical photos of my son - who I am prepared to admit may not be as attractive to you as he is to me.
2) I will never ever claim that having children has completed my life. It has not - only death can do that.
3) I will not post pictures of my son’s big toes - which are unfeasibly big. However, if anyone out there has any research on abnormally large big toes - please send it to me; I’d be interested to see if there is some kind of evolutionary advantage to having a big toe that accounts for 10% of your total body length (other than becoming the an impersonator of the mysterious sasquatch)
Written by exmonkey on April 30th, 2005 with no comments.
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Sorry about the absence, but it would appear that I am a father!
Apologies for resorting to the behaviour patterns of new parents, but here is his picture:
I’ll be more cynical next week.
Written by exmonkey on April 27th, 2005 with no comments.
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Yep - today is St George’s day - the national day of England.
St George, for the uninitiated, is the patron saint of England.
He was born in Turkey, was a soldier in the Roman Army and spent most of his life in Palestine - an obvious choice for our patron saint then.
The bit about the dragon was made up also.
Written by exmonkey on April 23rd, 2005 with 2 comments.
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Wow - no sooner have I announced that there is no new pope, a new pope is decision is announced.
Either that or they’re burning oil. Doesnt white smoke mean you need new piston rings…?
White smoke
Is it me, or does the ‘white smoke’ look very much like the ‘black smoke’?
Written by exmonkey on April 19th, 2005 with no comments.
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Still no news on when the new pope will be chosen.
Unfortunately, the entire process was delayed after a playful cardinal chucked a tyre onto the fire in the Sistine chapel.
 |
 |
| Black smoke |
Tyre fire in Sistine Chapel
(artists impression) |
Written by exmonkey on April 19th, 2005 with no comments.
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… Kilroy is a self-aggrandising, yellow skinned, butt-munching minion of Satan who should present himself at Portan Down so that some bored army bio-chemist can see what will happen if they remove the over taught leathery spunk sack he calls ‘skin’ and replace it with vinegar saturated, coarse grain sandpaper and make him jog on the spot until his internal organs have soaked through and fallen into a rusty, slow moving meat grinder placed at his flayed feet, all while baby rats burrow their heads into his exposed genitalia chewing eagerly at the shrivelled brown raisins within.
Written by exmonkey on April 18th, 2005 with 2 comments.
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Last night we were treated to 100 greatest albums (voted for by the viewers of Channel 4).
Several points -
1) Who votes for these things? No one I know has ever even seen a request to send in a vote for their greatest ever .
2) Does anyone ever sit through the entire program, rather than just switching over at the last ten and then ranting at the fact that Michael Jackson is anywhere in the list and boggling at the stupidity of a group of voters who feel that TWO oasis albums should be in the top 20. Or is that just me?
3) Does anyone remember when Jimmy Carr was a comedian?
The winner, by the way, was Radiohead: OK Computer.
Written by exmonkey on April 18th, 2005 with no comments.
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I am pissed off with this - not because it tells me I need to vote Lib Dem (they do seem to be the most left wing mainstream party), but the fact that UKIP has come up as +9!
HOW? I’m pro-europe, pro immigration and anti-tanned ex-chat show hosts. (serious point: Robert Kilroy-Silk is a cunt*)
Amusingly, Murphy – the traditionally more right wing of the two of us - scored higher on Labour than I did.
Your expected outcome: Labour
Your actual outcome:
Labour -14  |
|
| Conservative -37 |
|
|
 Liberal Democrat 66 |
|
UK Independence Party 9 |
|
Green 46 |
You should vote: Liberal Democrat
The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.
Take the test at Who Should You Vote For
(Link stolen from grayblog.co.uk)
*Apologies for using the word Kilroy-Silk
Written by exmonkey on April 14th, 2005 with no comments.
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Murphy saw and cam-phoned this:
It’s a sex toy vending machine, located in the Medicine Bar in Shoreditch.
There are some fantastic vending machines around this area - for example, the is a pub on Old Street that has a Porn DVD vending machine. I kid you not.
The image is a little shoddy, so if anyone can identify the various products available, please let me know via the comments link.
To start you off, I think the first product is called Thai Beads
Written by exmonkey on April 14th, 2005 with 1 comment.
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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci
No, i dont know what this means. It’s Latin. This Latin text is the standard placeholder text that almost all design agencies use in place of finalised copy. The reason we use Latin text is because it has a similar sentence structure to English (so looks like text) but no one will get hung up on the content. (Note: clients will always focus on the wrong thing) - Oh and here is a link to a cool Lorem ipsum generator!
Why am I telling you this I hear you ask.
Well this is an example of how much space 30 words takes up - our designer, an American - not that this should matter - spent 10 minutes lecturing me on why 30 words would necessitate the redesign of the whole job. Like I am some kind of fucking idiot.
Here is another 30 words:
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE now.
Written by exmonkey on April 13th, 2005 with no comments.
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