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This is one of my favorites…
But with so many to choose from here, I think there is something for everyone.
I think bald sphinxes are excellent, and if anyone wants to get me another cat - can you make it one of these?
Written by exmonkey on May 21st, 2005 with no comments.
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I have angered the solitaire gods with my blasphemy.
I suddenly occurred to me this morning (whilst YET AGAIN pressing the ‘deal again?’ button!) that I hadn’t won a single game of solitaire in recent memory.
In fact, have I ever won? It seems like such a distant memory - it has taken on a kind of post-acid trip surrealality… Did I really do/see/vomit on that? Did I really meet that bloke and say those things? DID I EVER WIN A SINGLE GAME OF SOLITAIRE?
I got cocky - the last few games I have begun to think that some malicious entity is trying to teach me a lesson. I suppose I just assumed that if you play x number of games then one has to win a percentage. If x = number of games, j = average game time, i = trips to the toilet and y = number of times you see the bouncing cards (maybe it was a trip) then:
y = (i/x)*j
I assumed a fairly consistent win ratio – but the gods of solitaire have decided to teach me that you can lose. Constantly.
Every time I get the hiccoughs I remember reading in the Guinness Book of Records (note for Americans and visiting aliens – Guinness Book of Records is a yearly publication filled with such great achievements as Man who ate the most eggs in 24 hours. English people would often get very excited about the new edition, as we Brits like to keep abreast of developments in the mass egg eating world.) that the world record holder for hiccoughs was a man who was afflicted for 36 years! So now I am wondering if there is a record for a losing streak of solitaire – and if there is, do I have to get Norris McWhirter to stand and watch me each morning while I sit on the loo?
Written by exmonkey on May 20th, 2005 with no comments.
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 Ray - Pack filled with food |
There is a lot to like about Ray Mears. He is an amiable expert in all thing woodcraft (or bushcraft as it has become known). Ray can light a fire using a bit of fingernail and some fluff from the pocket of his much overly tight shorts. He can fashion a dining table and chairs, napkins and place settings for 12 guests from a couple of bits of bamboo and he can name almost every plant, tree and fungus he encounters (as long as they are edible) Ray does all this without the macho nonsense that normally accompanies any bloke who feels that he has slightly more ‘outdoors’ knowledge that everyone else sitting round the barbeque in the back garden of the suburban terrace house on a warm Sunday afternoon. |
Ray’s Diet
The question that doesn’t seem to be getting asked though is;
If Ray relishes the hardships of extreme survival, why does he seem to put on weight during the course of the series?
Consider this. Ray always sets out on his bush craft master class expeditions with a full film crew and a rucksack full of chocolates and crisps - WHICH HE DOES NOT EAT.
Ray settles down to a hearty diet of nuts, berries and undercooked grubs, while his film crew fatten up on snacks off camera.
The days pass - and accidents start to happen. The film crew seem to fall prey to various unfortunate ‘incidents’ involving sprung tree trunks with spikes. Between filming sessions, Ray feasts on the Other Meat with his new indigenous people friends.
By the end of the series, Ray is 3 stone heavier, the locals see him as some kind of carnivorous god, and the footage is almost exclusively filmed on a Sony HandiCam tm
Ray is a giant among men - his tight gonad popping shorts aside, he is the kind of man you would happily go camping with; as long as there was a fat bloke for Ray to take along as a snack.
Written by exmonkey on May 16th, 2005 with 4 comments.
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Just a thought…
If it’s OK to get your baby’s ears pierced (de rigueur if you’re a chav) then why can’t you get you’re baby’s nose or nipples pierced?
Here’s what my local piercing (and tattooing) establishment proprietor said when I asked him to pierce Milo’s (my son and heir) nipples.
“Fuck off you paedo before I call childline on you.”
This, of course, opens up the wider debate on child modification. Consider these seemingly similar examples of baby pruning…
You can lop off several millimeters of (I think) useful skin in the name of religious ritual; but you cannot have one of your child’s toes removed - even an earlobectomy would raise concerns.
Tattoos are considered wrong for small children - but I’d have thought in this age of lost children, that tattooing your postcode on the sole of the child’s foot would speed up the process of finding lost children. Plus if you move house, you can tattoo the other foot.
Written by exmonkey on May 15th, 2005 with no comments.
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Just a quick note from the wind powered computers at CAT (Centre for Alternative Technology) in Wales. An 8 hour drive followed by some interesting stuff about mulch.
Time to drive 8 hours home again….
Oh well.
Written by exmonkey on May 7th, 2005 with no comments.
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